Spider-Man’s 10 Most Humiliating Victories
Generally, Spider-Man is known for two things: embarrassing himself and saving the day, but sometimes he manages to do both at the same time. This neighborhood wall-crawler makes his living on jokes and jokes, but he’s also often the butt of the joke. That’s what makes him so endearing.
If Wolverine and Captain America were humiliated as often as Peter Parker, they would lose some of their cool factor. For Spidey, it’s just the opposite. Going through hardships, failing and rising again is why people keep coming back to Spider-Man comics. They are drawn to the clumsy teenager who isn’t perfect, but tries anyway. The downside for Spidey is that it means he’s often humiliated, even when he manages to win.
10/10 The Incredible #Spideywhiteys Incident
Amazing Spider-Man Vol.3 #1 (2014) By Dan Slott, Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba and Edgar Delgado
Spidey had to cover himself in straps so as not to flash all of New York City while saving the day. It was Peter’s first day back in his body after coming back from the dead. He was still adjusting to all the changes that had happened in his life while Doc Ock was in control.
Looking for a simple crime-fighting gig to get back into the game, Spidey finds Skein and his gang robbing an auction. Skein uses his fabric manipulation powers to steal all of his clothes, saving the mask. While Peter saved the day, he failed to save his dignity.
9/10 This Embarrassing Punisher Team
Punisher Vol. 6 #2 (2001) By Garth Ennis, Steve Dillon, Jimmy Palmiotti and Chris Sotomayor
Peter was used as a human shield by Frank Castle in one of their teams. Frank Castle is waiting for one of his enemies to show up when he encounters Spidey instead. He tells Peter to leave, but there’s no way the crawler is letting a killer like Punisher out in New York alone.
When Punisher’s enemy shows up, he beats Spider-Man to a pulp. Frank takes advantage of Peter’s resilience by blocking every attack with Peter’s unconscious body, ultimately winning the fight.
8/10 Superior Spider-Man’s Embarrassing Viral Video
Superior Spider-Man #6 (2013) by Dan Slott, Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba and Edgar Delgado
In a fight against two twisted villains, Doc Ock’s Superior Spider-Man is embarrassed for the entire internet. Superior Spider-Man is looking for Screwball and Jester. The two comedic supervillains make a living by humiliating public figures online and hacking into the accounts of people who watch the videos.
Doc Ock confronts the two, only to be punched in his nether regions on a live camera, followed by paint being thrown at his face. The Doc didn’t appreciate the humiliation and took it too far by nearly killing his attackers on live camera, but it didn’t really make the situation any better.
7/10 Spider-Man becomes the Bombastic Bag-Man
Amazing Spider-Man #258 (1984) by Tom DeFalco, Ron Frenz, Josef Rubinstein and Bob Sharen
Spider-Man puts a bag over his head and fights crime at the same time. Peter discovers the nature of his black suit. Reed Richards reveals that his suit is an alien symbiote trying to merge with him. After a quick struggle to remove the suit, Peter is left naked and exposed.
Human Torch gives Spidey an alternate Fantastic Four costume and a paper bag to cover his head. Peter just has to go home with it. Unfortunately, he encounters some thugs along the way who shoot the cops. The Bombastic Bag-Man ends up fleeing the TV scene, leaving behind some of Peter’s pride.
6/10 Black cat vomits after kissing Peter Parker
Ultimate Spider-Man #85 (2005) by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, Scott Hanna and JD Smith
Black Cat and Peter had been flirting for a while, but when it came time to seal the deal with a kiss, she threw up her guts. Peter is knocked out of a window by Elektra in an intense battle between multiple factions.
Black Cat, whom Peter keeps trying to convert to the good side, battles Elektra. When the bad guys are pushed aside, Black Cat wants to thank Spidey for believing in her with a kiss. When she sees his face, however, she vomits. She was flirting with a teenager the whole time. Peter manages to rescue someone from the life of crime, but at what cost?
5/10 Spidey defeated by the Burbs
Amazing Spider-Man #267 (1985) by Peter David, Bob McCleod and Bob Sharen
Without skyscrapers, Spider-Man’s ability to get around is humbling. A criminal managed to get away from Peter, but not without a spider tracker attached. The next day, Spider-Man followed up, but the villain ended up in the suburbs.
Turns out it’s really hard to get around when there aren’t tall buildings nearby. Spidey has a number of awkward encounters, mostly with civilians angry at his commotions. Eventually, a local garbage man takes pity on Spidey and helps drive him around the area. He eventually gets the criminal, but only after he lands a ton on his face.
4/10 Spider-Man punches himself in the face
Amazing Spider-Man #589 (2009) by Fred Van Lente, Paulo Siqueira, Amilton Santos and Jeremy Cox
The return of a bizarre B-list villain is marked by Spidey punching himself in the face. Peter is trying to find some dirt on a Russian crime boss when the Russians are murdered by one of Spider-Man’s former villains. Spot, a man with the power of teleportation, was back.
Spot manages to kill almost the entire Russian crew before Peter can do anything. Peter tries to finish the fight in one punch, but ends up punching himself in the face. He manages to save the Russian’s life (and put him in prison), but the fight has hardly been graceful.
3/10 Ultimate Spider-Man reveals his identity to the X-Men
Ultimate Spider-Man #44 (2003) by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, Art Thibert and Transparency Digital
Peter reveals his identity in front of the X-Men. Peter saves a delinquent with superpowers. The X-Men showed up at the scene believing the teenager in question was a mutant. Kitty invited him on their plane to meet Xavier. The offender panicked mid-air and blew up the plane in the process.
Now it was Peter’s turn to pass out. When he woke up, he wasn’t wearing a mask. He complained about everyone keeping finding out he’s Peter Parker, only to be told they didn’t know his name until he let it go.
2/10 Spidey gets bamboozled by Deadpool and a B-list villain
Avenging Spider-Man #12-13 (2012) By Kevin Shinick, Aaron Kuder, Matt Hollingsworth
Deadpool tricks Peter into breaking one of his B-Lists out of jail, while also getting him through his innermost embarrassments. Working with a minor villain called Hypno-Hustler, Deadpool invades Peter’s dreams.
Deadpool tries to die and Mr. Hustler says he can do the job in exchange for a jailbreak. Peter eventually arrests them both and puts them in jail, but only after being bamboozled and embarrassed. This embarrassing victory was fortunately not as public as his other humiliating victories.
1/10 Peter and Mary Jane swapped their marriage with Mephisto
“One More Day” by J. Michael Straczynski, Joe Quesada, Danny Miki, Richard Isanove and Dean White
Peter manages to save his Aunt May from death, but at the cost of her marriage in the An extra day an event. The infamous storyline takes place after the events of Civil war. Peter’s identity has been revealed to the world, so all his enemies are after him. Literally.
A bullet aimed at Peter finds May instead. The only avenue to save her is through Mephisto. He is willing to save her life in exchange for Peter and MJ’s marriage. The two accept the offer, knowing they won’t be able to live with themselves otherwise.
NEXT: 10 Most Disappointing Marvel Heroes
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